Movement Affords Traction and Traction Facilitates Momentum

When I was in my mid-30’s, I was stuck in a corporate position that didn’t seem to matter at all. My salary and bonuses kept going up as I managed my career, but satisfaction with how I was spending 40+ hours per week kept going down. I increasingly focused on time out of the office in whatever form I could arrange it.

I began to shift my focus, bought and business and started a ride that has been wild, as well as satisfying. There is nothing easy about the choices my wife and I have made since 2005 regarding businesses, ministry, jobs, etc., but we have been living. We seek God and His direction, come into agreement with Him as a couple and offer our “yes” before we have it all figured out. We try to live on and for purpose. We believe in purpose over position and significance over success.

What I have seen lately is instances where others, particularly young people, are attempting to live in a similar manner but get stuck waiting for the next thing that offers purpose. In other words, they are driven by purpose and passion at the expense of the practical. They are frustrated and stuck, not to mention broke. It’s concerned me as I’ve counseled with them and often I’ll offer the following:

  • You can’t enjoy any momentum in the pursuit of your purpose/destiny without traction. Something in motion tends to stay in motion. Satisfaction of purpose comes with the ever-increasing unveiling, not a singular realization of accomplishment.
  • Traction only comes with action. Over the past 12 years as we’ve given our lives over to Greater purpose, we’ve had to make choices that were not our ultimate target, but provided traction (and money) for advancing. Action provides opportunities.

When I was training as a 2d Lieutenant, we would be encouraged, “You’d better do something, Lieutenant; do anything, but you have to do something!” We couldn’t develop a situation that wasn’t in motion, and waiting typically only produced defensive and/or negative scenarios.

Living a life grounded in purpose is good and right, but not at the cost of practical in most cases. One step leads to the next and provides along the way. Said another way; you have to work to eat. Those that ground their convictions in Biblical truth can’t forget that we are called to work; it is part of the blessing. Our hands have to stay on the plow even if it isn’t the field we will ultimately own.

Take the Fight to the Bullies

One of my first felony clients had been bullied in school and he finally retaliated. His reaction got him charged by the school resource officer and his parents filed counter-charges against the instigator prior to my involvement. The net result was that I was going to court against a prosecutor and a 30 year criminal defense attorney retained to represent the bully.

Remember, this was one of my first cases of this magnitude and I was still learning. Then, we came out swinging. I believe the prosecutor and seasoned attorney were shocked at the defense that we put on that day. Things went well for us.

The key to any success in that case and in most cases isn’t too magical. I was simply better prepared. The prosecutor had hundreds of cases, the older attorney of greater experience had more difficult cases. For me, this was one of a few and it was the biggest one I had. I had poured into the preparation of a defense. I was more ready than they were.

You can’t wait until you get to the trial to get ready. Preparedness comes morning by morning (Isaiah 50:4). Once the bullets start flying, it’s too late to fumble around in the confusion and try to get your armor on. Get suited up in the quiet before the storm and you never know when the storm is coming; but it always is.

First and foremost, day by day, seek the Truth. Within the Truth is the reality of your identity. When you work from the security of who you are, you stare down giants. Not out of arrogance that is puffed up to hide the insecurity of doubt, but in the confidence that God’s favor is given to His kids.

From the Truth and the security of who you are by His design, you will be unleashed into the passions of your life. You will increasingly be released to run like the thoroughbred you are intended to be.

I was anxious as I headed into court; not out of fear, but anticipation. I believed in what I was doing that day and knew that I was called to do it. I was walking in the purpose of my identity and two other lawyers were doing a job. They were better trial attorneys than me based on experience and maybe even ability. But the favor that comes through agreement with God’s plans and purposes overtakes and overcomes the hurdles that otherwise might prevail.

The Slow Drift of Entitlement

We will absolutely lie to ourselves, but not on purpose. We don’t set out to get off course; it’s a slow drift and the slow drift is certain unless there are navigational safeguards in place to stay the course.

We will practically always operate in ways that are in our best interests. Therefore, with no intentional safeguards, those interests will become our compass over time. Nothing wrong with that other than it is, by definition, selfish. Selfishness breeds entitlement. This is particularly problematic if/when we lead others.

Legitimate leadership is sacrificial. That is, unless you are leading for the benefit of those that are choosing to submit, then you are a positional leader, at best. Positional leaders have no lasting legacy as they inspire no depth of dedication. Others will follow only for as long as it is in their best interests (e.g. a paycheck, an opportunity), but they will not multiply the vision of the leader. They will not perpetuate the purpose of the cause.

Entitled leaders are making choices in their own best interests even when they are believing it’s in the best interests of the organization. They increasing isolate themselves from meaningful counsel and collaboration that might challenge the underlying selfishness of their motives and it’s all very gradual and typically subconscious.

Entitlement can be defeated and selfless, sacrificial leadership can be fostered but only on purpose. If the leader will intentionally choose to battle the drift, others will give their time and treasures to the efforts of the leader driven by the purity of the call.

Two techniques to defeat entitlement are continuous improvement and collaboration. They may not be the only two, but these two are powerful in defeating the drift.

  • Continuous Improvement – I have a friend who has a doctorate in leadership. He describes himself, even on this side of his PhD as  “a student of leadership.” His point is that anyone who is not continuously learning leadership is no longer legitimately leading. Learning is admission of incompletion; and that’s good. There is no finish line to the art of leadership and the humility that comes with that realization positions the soul to serve others and be open to collaboration.
  • Collaboration – Even gifted leaders have the gifts of a single leader. In other words, we are all contained by our uniqueness; there are others that are unique in different ways. The collaboration of gifts multiples the value and impact of the gifts within us. When we are willing to submit ourselves, even from a position of authority, the power of our influence is exponentially multiplied.

Be intentional as you lead your business, your community organization, your family, your small group or whatever other opportunities you have to impact and multiply. Always be improving; thus posturing your ego in such a way that collaboration invites the multiplying effect of collaboration.

Wisdom Requires Lower Gears

I love driving in the mountains as it requires different techniques than what become routine in the city. Routine driving amounts to gas, brake and steering. Going up and down mountains requires consideration of the brakes or they will get burned up. When ascending and descending, the gas is required to get up the inclines but the brakes will smoke and turn red if you ride them to slow down on the declines too much.

The solution is changing gears. You have to drop down to a lower gear to allow the engine to do the work. The lower gear cause the engine to turn faster and, in effect, lose some of its efficiency. When going down hill in low gear, the higher revolving engine slows the car without using the brake. Then, a shift back into high gear puts you in position to go up the next incline.

I was going up and down a mountain yesterday and thinking about the dynamics of what it takes. It seemed like a good picture for where I am in the broader context. I feel like I’m traversing windy roads that go up and down and the same old habits of brake and gas are not sufficient for navigating the course. I have to be skilled and dropping into a different gear.

As I turn fifty, I’m finding that less is more. As I hit challenges and circumstances, I’m learning not to just apply the gas and press the brakes. I’m learning to throttle back. Otherwise, my brakes start smoking and you can smell the friction.

Working with people requires emotional coasting. While they are working their stuff, I can’t make it my stuff. When their perspective and intentions don’t align with mine, I need to allow for lower gears to get me down the hill as things are worked out. Lower gears, in this case, means security in my identity that affords me the calm that comes with confidence. My emotions can’t take the ride that the road suggests; they have to be governed or I’ll burn up.

Less is more and God is a better driver than me. I’m learning how to trust Him with me and others differently. I don’t always get it right and I can tell when that is the case by smelling the friction of my emotions. When I am able to trust God with my circumstances and know that He is good and for me, I can release the need to speed up and slow down where I should be coasting and letting the engine do the work.

He’s Not Your Baby

One day as I was checking the docket at the courthouse, a woman approached me and asked where a particular courtroom was. She went on to explain that she was nervous because her son was scheduled to appear on a possession of marijuana charge.

“Why does that make you nervous?” I asked.

“He could go to jail,” she said.

“Did you drive here today?” I asked. After confirming that she had driven her son to the courthouse, I responded by encouraging her, saying “Well, if he goes to jail, just drive home.”

“But he’s my baby,” she explained.

“How old is he?” I asked. After learning her son was 19, I told her bluntly but as kindly as possible, “He’s not your baby. He’s a grown man.”

It was about that time her son joined us. “Is this him?” I asked, and she affirmed it was.

“Listen,” I said, turning my attention to him, “you are not a child anymore. Smoking weed and getting your mom to drive you to court are childish. You are a man, you are equipped to be a man and it’s time to start being a man. When I was a child, I acted like one, but when I became a man, I put childish things behind me. It’s time for you to do the same; you are a man and you are capable of putting childish things away.”

This young man’s shoulders straightened up, his eyes locked in and everything about his body language accepted the reality I was presenting him. His mom, at the same time, looked terrified. It was clear she was much less ready for him to be a man than he was.

I don’t know what happened with his court case, but whatever consequences he had to deal with were a benefit to him. A misdemeanor on his record is a small price to pay if he was able to allow the consequence to draw him into responsibility.

Love allows for consequences because consequences allow for repentance. When we have to deal with the implications of our immaturity and/or depravity, we are more aware of the goodness of God. From the place of pain that results from our rebellion or immaturity, we get to choose. We can either choose to submit our lives to the goodness of God or maintain our rebellious attempts of making our own way. The choice to submit our lives back to the goodness of God is much more appealing when we have tried it without Him and are facing the reality of our choices.

We all mess up, but what we do is not who we are. Don’t rescue people from their consequences and don’t believe their mistakes are who they are any more than your mistakes are who you are. The kindness of the Lord leads to repentance, not the sloppy compassion or harsh judgment we may offer in its place.

It’s graceful to let people realize grace by letting them deal with their own consequences. The realization of grace is born of fire, and fire burns every time. Let it happen. We aren’t doing others any favors by being less than honest in our relationships. Honesty includes the willingness to allow others to choose as well as to experience the results of their choices.

From “Abundant and Free; Seeing Life Through the Lens of Grace” now available on Amazon.

We All Need to Get Suspended Sometimes

There is a controversial battle going on between an NFL star, Ezekiel Elliott, and the NFL right now. There were accusations against him from a former girlfriend that he had physically abused her. The accusations were investigated but no criminal charges were brought. The NFL, however, decided to conduct an independent investigation and ultimately suspended him for six games. Now there is a lawsuit in federal court in an attempt to overturn that suspension.

From the information that is leaking out, the accuser had made threats of ruining and blackmailing him and there are apparently some real questions of her credibility. It’s swayed public opinion to lean in many cases to more of a benefit of the doubt for Elliott. What has come out in those same leaks, however, are some sordid details of a lifestyle that has been cruising towards trouble for some time.

Details regarding sex, drugs, abortion and an apparent embracing of a lifestyle that is out of control have emerged. Despite that apparent immorality, fans have begun to rally behind the running back in hopes that he not be suspended so that he can play without suspension. They want to watch him run and catch. They want to be entertained.

I’m an attorney and believe in due process. Evidence needs to be handled and processed correctly to ascertain an accurate picture of the truth. Without respect for the process, justice is compromised and order gives way to subjectivity and chaos. With that said, while conceding that all I know about this is through the media, it appears that Ezekiel Elliott might need to be suspended for Ezekiel Elliott’s sake, if nothing else.

Consequences are the best thing that can happen to us when we are living in patterns of destructive behavior that are not the intention of our design. Consequences quicken our awareness of our humanity and potentially open us to the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance. Getting caught or frustrated in our detours help us put things back on track. We need the order and justice of authority to avoid the downward spiral of rebellion and immorality.

I don’t know what is going to happen with the legal case, suspension, rushing yards, etc. of this 22-year-old young man. I do know, that the appetites and choices of most young men will lead us towards our own harm if we aren’t accountable for those behaviors that will ultimately hurt us and hurt others. We all need to get caught, whether by circumstantial evidence or an airtight case. If not, we are all prone towards the detours that keeps us from our destiny. We all need a suspension sometimes, to keep us from running further and further off the tracks.