Sometimes masculinity is toxic. Sometimes it is juvenile, confused, hurt and insecure and sometimes those things are covered with aggression, manipulation, dominance, control and other defensive and offensive tactics to cover the toxins. When relationships are formed around the acceptance of those unacceptable reactions to internal turmoil, the culture of that group is toxic. The working out of a mature man is a process that requires recognition of the immaturity present far beyond puberty.
I’ve been toxic at times and so has every man who I know. That doesn’t mean that the healthy expression of masculinity I am called to is the wrong target. The opposite of toxic masculinity is not femininity; its healthy masculinity. It’s not time to neuter men; it’s time to empower them. Empowerment, however, is not for the abuse of power but for the unleashing of purpose.
Men need to be affirmed in their identity as men to breed the security that overcomes the toxins that are inherent in both genders. Affirmation and empowerment produce security and security produces humility. Humility is a key indicator of healthy masculinity.
For men, our responsibility is to tend to the toxins by honestly admitting that they are present. They are present from life’s hurts, disappointments, mistakes and challenges. They are present from dads that were absent, neglectful or abusive as they wrestled with their own toxins. The toxic form of masculinity often gets passed from one generation to the next. Healthy masculinity declares to the heritage that produced toxicity, “no more.”
- No more abuse.
- No more anger.
- No more isolation.
- No more domination.
- No more manipulation.
- No more.
- Not on my watch.
But there has to be a target as you can’t really be defined by what you aren’t. So where there was toxic masculinity the determination has to be emulation and duplication of a model of masculinity that provides a greater alternative.
That Model is the man of Jesus Christ. He was strong enough to be accused and not fight back. He was courageous enough to suffer and not duck out. He was secure enough to love and not pervert. He is the model for healthy masculinity and I’ve yet to meet a man who has it perfected like He did. I count myself among many, however, that are determined to keep trying.