This is Worse and Better Than I Thought

The pain that comes in the wake of losing my father has layers that I didn’t expect. I’m caught off guard by the emotions that accompany the hurt.

I didn’t expect the fear. For the first time in 50 years, the guy that I could always count on isn’t there. The safe place, reliable counsel, unconditional love and complete support is gone. The result included a feeling of vulnerability that I didn’t expect because I have never felt it before. I found myself uncovered and unprotected in a way that I had never known.

I’ve ministered to hundreds of people with significant dad issues and represented hundreds more as a criminal defense attorney. I’ve understood the reality of the how important the dad relationship is and diagnosed the cause and effect correctly. I didn’t know and couldn’t have known the depth of the fear that accompanies the hurt.

I have felt aloneness in the adjustment to my father’s absence even though I enjoyed the benefit of his presence for 50 years. It breaks my heart to know that some people go through their entire life with the pain and fear that come from an absent father without knowing the joy of the contrast. I don’t have to stay in the hurt or the fear and neither do they, but the fact that I know what it’s supposed to feel like is a huge benefit.

In the processing of the grief and void of my dad’s consistency, I’ve realized the love of the Father. I’ve known it before, but it’s different now. It was incredible always, but it’s different when there isn’t a father. The joy of knowing that I am a son to the One that gave me a father in the first place is tangible.

No matter if your father story is one of a good dad, bad dad or somewhere in the middle dad, the target and invitation is always to the Father. He wants to provide the eternal relationship which may or may not have been modeled well in your temporal experience.

God gave His son so we could be sons and daughters. We are invited into the security of a relationship which will never end. We are invited into the safe place, reliable counsel, unconditional love and complete support of a Father that is perfect and forever. We don’t have to be afraid; we can be loved.

6 thoughts on “This is Worse and Better Than I Thought

  1. Glad to have your brotherhood and fellowship in my life, Scott. I’m sorry for your loss, and inspired by your ability to turn this toward our heavenly father. God bless!

  2. Losing our father/grandfather was more painful then I ever even began to imagine…the impact he made on Rachelle’s sons lives is so incredibly touching….so sorry to hear of your loss. Keep those memories close to your heart!

  3. A friend shared the African proverb that you’re not a man until you bury your father. I have pondered that this week and the truth in that is my father was there for me – for 58 years. I didn’t seek his counsel often enough. I didn’t follow his advice nearly as often as I could have. But he was always there for me. And now he’s not. I am still struggling with the concept of a world without my Mom and Dad. I’m sorry we have to walk this road but maybe we can walk it out together.

  4. Pingback: Safety Nets, Security and Source | Encounter. Encourage. Engage.

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