We really do need each other to get better. We’ve all got junk and none of it will mature in the vacuum of isolation. The only way for that junk to be transformed within us and for maturity to be produced in those areas is through interacting with others. We have to own our junk and owning it won’t happen in solitude.
I love my wife and for the past several years, we had gone round and round about criticism. Things she would feel would come across to me as criticism of me. It was only a short time ago that I finally saw the value of giving voice to the emotions for the healing and redemption that comes with transparency. It wasn’t an attack, it was an exchange.
When we own our feelings and live in relationship, we have to be honest at the intersections of those feelings in those relationships. For me, anyway, that hasn’t been entirely easy. Since I’ve seen it, however, the fruit of the possibilities has been sweet.
Stuff is there and it’s usually there because of interactions with others. We don’t typically get offended at ourselves, that’s for sure. It takes some third-party to hurt us and in those wounds, lies get spoken and strongholds get formed. We hold onto jacked up twisted beliefs and behaviors from the lies that get rooted in our wounds. That means we have to go back to the wound to determine the lie. Going back to the wound requires more work and pain than simply trying to justify or change the behavior.
The other day, I realized that I held something against Julie for probably three years. It was always there, but I finally realized that I was hurt based on a thing that she never intended. I was holding it against her even though I was trying not to act like it. It would ooze out, though, and little verbal jabs or slights would contribute to a wall in that subsection of our relationship.
Once I realized it, I told her. I didn’t tell her she had done something wrong, however, I apologized and repented. I changed my mind. I was the one that had believed the lie. I was the one that was harboring the offense and allowing the stronghold. I was wrong.
Without an actual interaction between she and I from the realization of that emotion and the resulting conditions, we would have been stuck. It took two of us to start down that road and walk on it for three years. Unbeknownst to her, I had detoured that part of our relationship to stay on that road for way too long. In some ways, it was unbeknown to me, as well. Once it was realized, however, the correction required the transparency of relationship, which allowed for the exchange.
Lies were replaced with truth, darkness was replaced with light and dysfunction was replaced with healthy relationship. Defeat as replaced with the victory that Jesus bought and paid for as the appropriation of that realization required loving people, not just loving God.