The central question in conflict should always be “what about me?” The easy and preferred statement is “let’s talk about you” but the treasure is in “what about me?” For as long as I maintain a focus on you and your behaviors and you do the same, we are certain to remain at an impasse. As soon as one of us decides that there might be something in and about ourselves that is worth inspection, confession and change then we have a shot at resolution.
The greatest value of relationship is the provision of a mirror for reflection of our own faults. Left to ourselves, we can insulate and isolate to the point that we are content even in our own cess pool of depravity. But in community or relationship, that stuff starts to stink enough that others smell it and they don’t like it. Because they have their own smells, we’re usually not too excited about hearing from them about us because we were just about ready to tell them about them. Thus, the cycle can begin.
The greatest value of marriage isn’t the romantic high points, it’s mundane figuring out of how to live together. There is great value in the untapped selflessness within us that has no way or no need to be expressed until we are committed to work out a relationship. Selflessness expressed comes out to defeat selfishness which was previously allowed the dominant position. There is nothing comfortable or easy about it, but that is the cost of maturity and wisdom.
The same is true at some level of clubs or work or church or any other group that we seek to interact with humans routinely for a common purpose. There is going to be stuff we disagree on and those disagreements will give us opportunities to exercise in our selfishness or allow selflessness to become primary. It’s the display of selflessness that is the display of Christ within us.
Jesus was perfect yet He went willingly to the Cross through the suffering that it entailed for the glory of the redemption it afforded. He allowed others to prevail in the moment to glorify the Father and to make a way for the greater good of every one of us. He is the model.
Not a single one of us is Jesus, but that doesn’t mean we don’t look to the Cross for an example of our possibilities. It’s possible for us to glorify the Father when we willingly choose to allow for others to be right despite the fact they are wrong. Our selflessness puts Jesus within us on display instead of maintaining our position of prominence when we are selfish. When people see Him in us over us in us, then He is glorified and they might see the way that has been made for them, too.