I was really struggling recently as I had been less than truthful. Nope; I had lied. In the grand scheme of things, it was relatively harmless, I suppose, but a lie it was. My concern wasn’t so much for the circumstances as the net result of the circumstances was going to be the same either way. I wasn’t changing the end by my lie, I was managing the perception as the results unfolded. I went back and forth as I evaluated my behavior and knew that my choice was made from a place of deceit.
I don’t want to be a liar. This isn’t an area that I had struggled previously. Even prior to coming to faith in Jesus, I considered myself a man of integrity. At one point, in fact, I was told that I was “brutally honest.” I’m not sure that it was meant entirely as a compliment, but it was said just the same. Now I walk a life which is totally different in my beliefs and choices void of so much the depravity I used to entertain, yet I had allowed this deceit to manifest in my behavior. I felt terrible.
Now, I know how to get free of these things as I work with people all the time in these areas. Confess your sin, receive forgiveness and healing, repent (change your mind) and allow the grace of Jesus to cover your sin. I get it, but was struggling just the same. My imagination was running free with negative thoughts regarding myself and my future. For whatever reason, I was struggling to comprehend the grace of God for me in this situation.
That evening, my six-year-old son asked for a cookie. I told him that was fine and then my daughter informed me that he had already had two or three. By the time that I had told him to put it back, it was too late . . . he had eaten the cookie. “Haynes,” I said, “you should have told me that you already had several cookies.”
A few minutes later, he came to me crying. As I asked him what was wrong, he said “I don’t want you to be mad at me.” I wasn’t mad and asked him what it was that he thought I was mad about. He responded, “because I accidentally lied.”
Now, we don’t accidentally lie. We choose to lie. Yet, that’s exactly how I felt from my choice earlier in the day. I knew it was a choice but felt the emotion of a mistake. As he shared his heart, I hugged him and affirmed him and forgave him and loved him. I told him that he wasn’t a liar.
That was it. The Lord showed me that scene, with me being Haynes and Him being the Father. He hugged me and affirmed me and forgave me and told me that I wasn’t a liar. I was free.