There was a time recently when I had thought through a relationship dynamic and felt confident that I knew what it needed to look like in order to be healthy. Maybe healthy wasn’t even the goal, maybe I was imagining what needed to happen in order for it to be perfect. Some time passed and my expectation became rooted in my mental image of what was about to happen. The picture I had made so much sense and everyone was happy with the outcome. Yet, it didn’t work out like that; at least not right away.
When we decide to create the entire relationship in our mind and expectations, we are setting the other person up for failure and ourselves for disappointment. None of us get to choose both sides. I’m sure that most of us would like to control the objectionable aspects of the other person to the point that we can “fix” them for our own comfort and convenience. It just doesn’t work that way.
When I took the bait and set the trap of expectation, the interests which were being promoted were my own. I wanted something for me much more than I wanted something for the other person. The driver of “me” is pride.
There is no love in pride. There is no humility in pride. There is no true relationship without love and humility. There is no true relationship in pride and expectation.
The only way for me to get myself back to a place of where I can have true relationship is by dying to my selfish desires that manifest as expectation or control. I have to get smaller and release them to their own mistakes trusting that God is for me and them alike and that He can work all things out in our hearts independently. When I get smaller, there is no contrast between how I view them vs. myself and I can allow them to be them. I can love them as I love myself.