I have been married ten years. For the past decade, every decision of any consequence impacted somebody other than me. The comfort with which I have accepted that reality has grown over the time that I have exercised in it.
Initially, there was a time to put on the new reality and see how it fits. Discomfort came with living a life which was new and different with nowhere to escape from the exposure of intimacy. For the first time in my life, there was no place to hide my junk.
Then there was a time when junk was on display but there was no motivation to do anything about it. As much as there was no motivation, there was no knowledge that doing something about it was a viable option. After all, only weirdos and screw-ups spent time working on themselves, talking about their feelings, etc.
I am sorry to say that I did not lead my family in this area. My wife took the lead in stepping into freedom from past crap that she was carrying around with her. She invited me to come along and I scoffed at the idea. She forged ahead, anyway.
Then as we continued on, the bubbling up of my own inner cesspool led me to a place of humility. I reached out for help and started a journey towards freedom. Since then, my wife and I walk together in an entirely different manner.
Neither of us are perfect and our marriage isn’t, either. The hope for growing old together became most evident when we both accepted our individual flaws. This has increased the grace we display when the flaws of the other are on display.
The freedom we seek is available simply in the seeking. Just by the humility of admitting that we need help and that we battle fears, insecurities, bias and other distortions releases us from judgment and defeat. The fact that we do this together allows us to understand the other one when we are going through “a thing.”
The only thing better than living a life in pursuit of Greater freedom is living it with Julie.