In case you didn’t realize it, I am a mess. You likely realize it with no problem at all if we spend time together. I likely have offended you and been selfish towards you numerous times.
I can’t do this deal. I’m trying and won’t stop seeking, but am humbled when I get glimpses into my depravity. The limits of my inadequacy leave me desperate for Redemption.
You can’t redeem me, either. Not with your discipline, rejection or even your forgiveness. If you limit me, I will eventually exceed the boundaries. If you cast me away, I will move on to others and you will carry the baggage of our failed relationship. If you forgive me, it won’t be the last time.
My only hope is internal and eternal. I need to be changed from the inside and in a way that lasts forever. I need to be changed by a Love that warrants a choice for me to die to the carnal, ugly me. The sacrifice and calling of that Love justifies my response.
I get tired of fighting the same fights and need to be free. I need to be free from things like impatience, pride, fear and insecurity. I need to know who I am from a perspective of forever.
Thankfully, that’s happening. I am redeemed and I am forgiven. I am being transformed and reminded of my identity. This happens as I grow in my maturity through suffering which is inherent with my condition.
Compared to the sweetness of redemption and grace, the stench of striving and failing is exposed as a counterfeit. As I grow in the newness of this revelation, I become more familiar with the Truth of my redeemed character. The whiffs of the stench of the old me which needs to continue to die is something that I find that much more offensive. The attraction to step into surrender overwhelms me.
I’m sure that’s just me, though. Isn’t it?