This morning my son, Haynes, woke up early and was hanging out in the living room with me as I was having a cup of coffee. He is a normal two-year old boy, full of energy and always looking for something to climb on, throw or generally disrupt. But today he sat on the couch next to me with his sippee cup of milk and me with my coffee and he leaned back against my side resting the weight of his upper body completely on me as a support. That’s it; we just sat there and watched cartoons together.
During that time I had such appreciation for the moment. For the fact that he won’t be that size or age forever and the gift that I was receiving by his decision just to rest with me. All that I wanted during that particular moment in time was exactly what I was receiving . . . relationship, dependence, bonding and time together with one of my kids. And for Haynes, although he didn’t say or was even necessarily conscious of it, he was trusting me for comfort, protection and acceptance.
Before I could truly hope to become a father, I had to first become a son. None of us can give away what we have not received so those things that I want to give to my children, I must first receive. I have been fortunate to have a great father and he has given me an abundance of things that I want to pass on. In the middle of our imperfections, there were also things that I didn’t receive through my own junk or his. Ultimately, we have a Source for those things that we need as sons/daughters that fully equip us to be parents.